An homage to the historical marriage of the US Open and The Country Club.
Good morning, this is Austerity Jones. As a special Father’s Day and US Open treat, G Spot has written a poem. Take it away, G Spot.
G Spot: Thank you, Austerity. Before we commence with the poem, I’d like to point out that we all cheer for Travis Vick, an amateur who at the time of this recording is currently tied 17 at the combined score of 139 going into the weekend, and we need to cheer him on as he tries to duplicate the feat of Francis Ouimet, by winning US Open as an amateur.
But on to the poem,
An homage to the US Open being played outside Boston:
The ball is passed to Curry
He catches and he shoots it
Thus dashing the hopes
Of most of Massachusetts
Lady Luck has harshly spoken
Now Boston can turn its focused head
To The Country Club in Brookline
Where many maidens have been wed
The winner here in 1913
Well, “His mother called him Francis”
Ouimet was his name
Although no one liked his chances
He went from selling sporting goods
In a store owned by a baseball hall of Famer
To showing the young lady, then Miss Brookline
That he was the one to tame her
More famous still was Brookline in 99
Speaking of no one liking their chances
But from 45 feet on 17, Justin Leonard’s winning putt
Set off American Ryder Cup dances
Here the greens are fast and the fairways are narrow
And the sodden rough will be wet thick stuff
And like a long betrothed couple’s honeymoon
There will be no putting from the rough
This course is prudish and
Must be held and caressed
Much like success with a lady
Before she is undressed
This week is replete with prosaic traditions
Like a bride astir for hours
Yet after a few minutes of promulgations
Turns her back and throws her flowers
This week requires patience
Dedication and careful planning
Much like trying to hook up with the Bridesmaid
A look-alike of a young Carol Channing
Like arranged marriages,
This will be a stern test
Avoiding double bogies
Might well determine who’s best
So forget lots of birdies
if that was what you were hoping
Each hole requires thought and planning
Unlike a Las Vegas eloping
The US Open is more like a 30-year marriage
A tradition to decide our nation’s best
Where for a week, the PGA and LIV golf tours
Can give their dick measuring a rest
Yes, the old Lady Brookline
Is awfully rigid, conjugal, yet fine
So the winner will likely have the lead on Saturday
For on Sundays, there will be no coming from behind