G Spot teaches us the history of the first day of the fifth month
Mayday Mayday Mayday! The Mayday call isn’t all we are going to discuss today. Actually, Austerity will get to that in a moment.
April showers bring May Flowers… Showers equal rain, flowers equal something pretty. Well when I think of rain and something pretty, I think strip clubs and today we celebrate the birth of the strip club!
Austerity: We do? I have never heard of that?
G Spot: Let me tell you a little story then Austerity…
If you make it rain (aka a shower) a stripper will appear just like a flower.
Actually if you make it rain, all the strippers will be doing a Brandy Chastain.
That’s a bit sportsy and vague, but I will make it more evident
That it isn’t the quantity, but which face, which president
George and Honest Abe were fine men and they are beloved still
You make it rain with them, and in the Midwest you will still kill
But that shit won’t fly in the city which brings us to the ten,
Who is guy on that bill and what did he do again?
Alexander Hamilton is the guy, they wrote a play about him
It was written by Snoop Dogg or was it Fatboy Slim
Just ask anyone at your country club or your pilates gym
I’m sure they can practically quote the damn thing verbatim
Orange money is confusing, besides strippers will just call you a bitch
They’ll say “until Mr. Jackson makes an appearance I won’t think you are rich.”
There is nothing confusing about a crisp $20, why hello Andrew
Your new stripper friend has spent all night over there looking at you.
You have made her very happy because she was having a bad night
But like Goldilocks’ porridge, you’re not too hot, too cold, but just right
Doors will open and she will introduce you to all of her friends
Be careful in Vegas for the place never closes and the night never ends
Once you have drank a few and have lavender body wash on the brain
If Benjamin Franklin appears, you might be the second coming of Citizen Kane
For you will go to some place more private where they only have Champagne
That room and what happens there is more secure than the blockchain
From a quaint French tradition of girls dancing around a pole or a tree
You can now hear Def Leopard and see Jade, up next on stage three
That’s right- the Crazy Horse Too can trace where they begun
Back to the city of Paris, and Mayday in 1561
We remember our historical stories: the serious and the sillies
So pause this day to remember the festival of the lilies
Grab a Ben Franklin and throw that phony orange Hamilton away
Pay a girls’ tuition, as you celebrate what the French call “La Fete du Muguet”
Austerity: Is that true G Spot?
G Spot: Yes, I wrote every word, that part is true. But there are more mysteries surrounding this day, Austerity. It’s truly one of the more mysterious days of the year. Did you know that “La fete du Mugeut” means “Lilly of the Valley” day? Of course you do, you speak four languages… But it does. Well King Charles IX of France was given a lily of the valley flower each year on May 1, and he liked it so much that he presented these flowers to the ladies of his court. It seems that the King was practicing the Have More Grace Challenge back in the 16th century, C Thomas would be quite proud. However, what is unique about the Lilly of the Valley flower is that the French ones must be quite different than the ones in New Mexico. You must remember how (Spoiler alert, but season 4 ended a decade ago so get with it) Walter White mysteriously had a poisonous Lilly of the Valley plant in his backyard while he was poisoning young Brock to manipulate Jessie Pinkman under the ruse that the poison was ricin. These are not the same flowers that King Charles IX used although I hear the King’s generosity killed with the ladies.
Austerity: Here we go…
G Spot: I wasn’t kidding about the birthday of strippers though… The Maypole dance was a ceremonial folk dance performed around a tall pole decorated with greenery to represent a tree passed down through the ages as part of a spring tradition to encourage fertility. What promotes fertility more than strip clubs? Which brings us to our word of the day- fertility.
Austerity: I’m not reading that…
G Spot: Come on you, you have to. That’s your thing.
Austerity: No.
G Spot: No means no, here at the C Thomas Printer Cooperative and chivalry certainly isn’t dead with me. So I will fill in, boy if I had a quarter for every time I did that?
Fertility: The quality or state of being fertile or the birth rate of a population according to Merriam Webster.
That second part is very important as we go about learning about economics which is why I brought it up. I will revisit fertility very soon since it happens to be in my wheelhouse.
Insightfully yours,
G Spot Johnson
Austerity: Back to the May Day distress call. This actually wasn’t founded on this day at all. It came about in England in 1923 because there was a lot of flights between England and France in the burgeoning young aircraft industry. Both countries were trying to settle on a distress signal that both countries could recognize and the French word for help when said to someone is Aidez pronounced aid-ay, but when you want to say help me (like a pilot in distress might) you would say M’aidez- help me. Mayday. Since it translated so well phonetically and rhymed in English it was quickly adopted and “Mayday Mayday Mayday” has been the pilot distress call ever since.
G Spot: I always knew it had to do with flying, but I thought it was what you said to your wingman when you had a stage 5 clinger at the club and you needed to extricate yourself from a situation and bail. Just like a pilot from the aircraft… Are you sure that French story is correct Austerity?
Austerity: Yes, G Spot it is correct and it has nothing to do with nice young girls removing their knickers either…I swear that guy sometimes, I’m trying to talk about finance here, and C Thomas is promoting Grace and this clown is talking about drinking and strippers and I should have gone to grad school, maybe a nice school like the Harvard of the Midwest…
Hmm hmm. Austerity we are still live…
Also born on this date:
Glenn Ford,
Mr. Faith Hill,
Jack Paar,
Calamity Jane,
and fitting in nicely with G Spot’s poem, the movie Citizen Cane premiered on this date in 1941 in New York City.