C Thomas is away and G Spot is out of control in Las Vegas
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading” Henny YoungmanG Spot: We are in the middle of the NCAA basketball tournament aka March madness and there is no better place to experience madness than right here in Las Vegas. Vegas history is filled with crazy games and bad beats I could tell you about, but well Austerity, can I just tell you a story?
Austerity: Of course, by all means G Spot.
G Spot: Ok, So my buddy and I are playing a poker tournament at Binion’s before they sold it to Harrah’s and the old poker room was way in the back where the WSOP used to be held. So there is a break and we decided to walk out toward the front toward Fremont street. Well one of the walkways opposite the old café leads right between the elevators. Well we are walking through the elevator bank and we glance over and there is this tall good looking black woman in crazy tall heels towering over this middle aged Asian gentleman. He might have come up to her shoulder, maybe and each of her breasts were bigger than his head. They are standing in the elevator and holding hands facing the doors which are still open. Now I don’t know what exactly was going on, but I am going to guess from his expensive suit and her plunging neckline that she wasn’t there to minister about the word of the lord, more likely to administer a good spanking. I say “hey hey hey look at that!” because I lack subtlety. Now she, being the true professional that she is, doesn’t even change expression, but this little Asian guy breaks out into the biggest grin you have ever seen. Ear to Ear. Then there is a little ding and the doors close in the elevator and they are gone. It was like the most perfect ending to a movie ever.
Austerity: What may I ask is the point of that story?
G Spot: Point? There is no point, I just like that story. But that’s the point. Not everything needs to have a point. Sometimes it’s nice to tell a story that is just entertaining. You and C Thomas and all you other smart people always wanting to learn from every little thing when you should trying learning less and living a little. Let me tell you another story.
I was playing poker another time and sitting next to the dealer and it was late at night, well past midnight. I was at the Hooter’s casino, which was the old San Remo. They had a little poker room back by the burger joint and the action was pretty good. Well there are a couple of pretty big fellas, well over 6 feet tall and a couple hundred pounds (one of them was wearing a south Boston firehouse shirt, fucking southies) and they are getting pretty lippy and I hear the dealer call the supervisor over and say “there is about to be a problem here, you might want to call security.” The little supervisor gives everyone a warning to play nice, but these guys were drunk and not going to listen. I see the supervisor pick up the phone and I can hear he is calling security, and sure enough before he is off the phone these guys stand up and start grabbing each other’s shirts and pushing and shoving. We all stand back from the table which starts getting shoved across the floor and soon thereafter -in walks security.
Now Ethel Mae was about 75 and she probably got dressed that day at 90 lbs. She wore thick round glasses with the little string to keep them around her neck and she came armed with a radio in one hand and what I assumed was an inhaler in the other. These fighting fells are in a corner and are still locked in a grabbing shirts scuffle and cussing each other. Ethel walks in and says to the supervisor “Did you call security?” The supervisor looking incredulously at the dealer and Ethel Mae “You are security!” Ethel Mae gets on the radio and about 10 seconds later a 6’7” 350 pound guy walks in, who simply by looking at these two guys, manages to break up the fight and then the calvary followed right behind him… The two players get kicked out in separate directions and since the table had gotten slid across the room knocking over some of the chips, we all had to wait for surveillance and security to give us permission to cash out our chips. The last thing I remember is the supervisor sitting at a table with his legs crossed telling the dealer “Can you believe what she said, ‘Did you call security?’ Are you shitting me?” Then him giving a haughty dismissive wave. Ahhh, those were good times… I love budget cuts.
I’m watching the NCAA basketball tournament and the WGC Match Play golf tournament this weekend. It’s where golfers play matches heads up versus a normal cumulative scoring system. Parleys, Pai-gow and poker, by Saturday night there will be a lot of pressure on the G Spot.
Insightfully yours,
G Spot Johnson
Also born on this date:
Mariah Carey,
Wilhelm Rontgen,
Karl Pearson,
Cale Yarborough,
Nathan Fillion,
and Quentin Tarantino.
What did the bodybuilder with Parkinson’s have for breakfast? A protein shake
No No No, G Spot. Why would you go and say that?…
It’s a funny joke.
No, No, No…