“Politicians, old buildings and whores all get respectable if they last long enough.” Noah Cross in Chinatown
The death of Jimmy Carter at 100 years old this week reminds me of what Noah Cross said, the evil rich villain played by John Houston, said to J.J Gettes while eating fish with the heads still on. Jimmy Carter is on the short list of worst presidents in this country’s history and a century of well meaning perhaps but bumbling decisions shouldn’t sugar coat the performance of a man. He led America into the worst recession since the Great Depression which occurred during Ronald Reagan’s first months in office. I see a great similarity between he and Joe Biden who would like to announce his presence with authority on the short list of worst presidents ever. As Reagan did in 1981, Don Trump is walking into a mess. He, unlike Reagan, helped make it. Let’s mourn a citizen of the United States who served his country as its president. Let’s mourn a citizen with good intentions, but let’s not forget what he achieved. Let’s not rewrite history to make it more palatable…
Don Trump started out his comedic routine of a presidency in fine form as we admire the prologue. At today’s press conference he pointed out that he is not willing to take force off the table with regard to taking back the Panama Canal and Greenland. He does know Greenland is just the name right? Its not made of money. He does understand that the Panama Canal belongs to another country does he not? Are we going to give back the Louisiana purchase to France? That seems as unlikely as Texas going back to the Mexicans. I did hear him have one wonderful idea today though. He wants to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. Don, you are the leader of the free world, you can’t be reelected, if you want to name it the Gulf of Dog Shit then go right ahead, but when you are done doing things that will change zero people’s lives can you get back to the task at hand?
Joe Biden announced plans to thwart more off-shore drilling. I still can’t believe he is still president. Oh I am sorry Joe, I forgot you were there. You may go now. Trump plans to reverse Biden’s recent actions of banning offshore drilling. Trump wants to drill baby drill. Ok settle down speed racer. Here is the problem with that and every time a pro-oil president takes office. They drill baby drill and supply goes up and prices go down and it ends up being a bad time to be in the oil business. Biden wanted to end the oil business, and he is their best friend. He should be inducted into the oil driller’s hall of fame as a contributor to EBITDA. I know their stock prices thank him and his efforts to limit production.
His ability to keep prices high by limiting supply did another important thing. It allowed the natural gas market to find new uses instead of being flared off and it found a new market, Europe. If the price of oil goes too low, and the drillers stop drilling for oil the byproduct that they get, natural gas, could also see a decrease in supply. If that price goes up, then boy oh boy is Europe in bad shape. They replaced cheap Russian gas with expensive natural gas and they have to buy our expensive LNG? Germany just can’t catch a break, but it sounds like karma is catching up with Germany. They had it coming after a dismal 20th century.
Trump wasn’t done waxing idiotic in today’s presser. He said all hell was going to break loose if the hostages weren’t returned by the time he got into office. What are you going to do Don? Starve them out and take away their water? Oh wait, Israel has been doing that for years. Is he going to drop bombs on them? Oh wait. What do you think Israel has been doing? If Don wanted to get them to release the hostages, this is what I would recommend if I were he. I would ship them every episode of The Apprentice and tell them there will be a test in two weeks if you don’t watch every episode like an HR training film. You know the kind that you can’t skip ahead and there is a dumb little quiz. If they don’t watch every episode and pass all the quizzes, I would declare war on them. They would give up the hostages in about 5 minutes loudly proclaiming that no one should be subjected to such cruel and unusual punishment.
Back to Greenland for a second….Denmark owns Greenland, and they are our ally. Why is Trump trying to force our allies to dislike us. Is making America great again mean being hated by everyone else? If you are a parent in Ortit, eastern Greenland, and your child is surfing the internet and he asks you mama, why is the wee orange man saying he is going to taking over our country? Oh, sugar don’t you believe a word he says. He once said that he was Michigan’s man of the year, but he had never lived in Michigan nor received such an honor. Get back into your clown car Don.
Not to be outdone, his new bff Elon posted on X that the US should liberate the people of Britain from their tyrannical government. I believe the Brits just had elections in which they just threw out their old government. Now the president elect’s bullshit advisor is suggesting overthrowing the newly elected government of another ally. Listen, I think their new government is ridiculous but I think our current, future, and former governments have been ridiculous. Please see debt clock. I wish I was done but I am not.
Trump is floating the idea that Canada should be the 51st state. He said that Trudeau knew this and this is why he resigned. I know Trudeau is an idiot, but Trump, what the hell are you talking about? He said unlike Panama and Greenland he would only use economic force against Canada. They are our best trading partner, where we get our oil for gasoline, and have fought beside us when asked. This dipshit isn’t in office yet and is picking a fight with everyone from Latin America, to Canada, to Ortit. Our tit, the big orange one, is running his mouth like a fool. What I don’t get is why?
I know this is who Trump is, I was around for his last four years, remember. He blusters and blusters and doesn’t do anything except spend money we don’t have. I got it. He isn’t Joe Biden, one small step for man, one giant step away from a mentally retarded person. What is Trump trying to sound like? The same as Joe? Trump sounds like he fell off his bike and ate his ice cream too fast. I am very worried about these old men. They are never going to live to be a ripe old age like Jimmy Carter acting like this.
Speaking of retarded, here is another idea we are soon going to have to deal with. Starting on day 1, the deportations are going to start Trump said. 11 million people is what he has to export? Do you remember Trump’s last campaign? He said he would end the war in Afghanistan. He had four years and couldn’t get less than 10,000 troops out of there. He thinks he is going to snap his fingers, and 11 million people will leave? Here is what will happen if he is right. Would you like to build a house? No chance, how about getting some fresh fruit? No chance, how about keeping your hospitality operations running smoothly. No chance. This is the man that said he would have a wall built between the US and Mexico and make them pay for it. 2,000 miles of wall is what it would take. My personal favorite thing about this. He said there would be a big beautiful door. Instead of getting a wall of 2,000 miles we were assured it was almost done. 3 miles of new wall were all that was built. Do I want the criminals out? You bet. Do I want a much better system of immigration? You bet. I think Trump does too. Saying he is going to deport them all is just entertainment. We will be lucky to get 3 miles on this whopper. We will be unlucky if we get 11 million, because that would wreck the economy and drive wages through the roof.
It is with this lens I am forced to look at our new comedic actor for the next four years. I have loved watching Joe Biden walk into hedges, poop himself in the Vatican, and fall ass over teakettle on everything except a teakettle for the last 4 years. I don’t think we are going to get the physical comedy of a Biden but Trump’s Twitter game is almost as good a watch. We must find laughter because it is the best medicine. While this circus distracts us we must pause to consider that Trump hasn’t talked any smack to Putin. See Trump is a bully and that is what he does. He pushes around the Ortits of the world that can’t fight back, the Panamas. He has threatened Xi with tariffs but there has been no talk of annexing Taiwan as a big beautiful friend of our country. For damn good reason.
Our military supply chains are so dependent on China that it keeps the Pentagon up at night. Trump has also vowed to tariff Europe, and the European economy is tanking along with their currency. Why? Mostly because we have the world’s reserve currency and with our borrowed money our stock market keeps going up. Foreign investments in the stock market are at all time highs. Yet, the European economy is struggling. Now if I am in Europe and I invest in the US and I make money in T-Bills or the stock market and my currency tanks, so I make money exchanging my US gains into my currency then that is a win win for me. Hurray right? It only is for the elites that can afford stocks and investments. It is just like here in the United States. The rich get richer, but the poor are losing their jobs, seeing a recession, seeing stagflation. This can all be solved in Europe with one sweep of the broom. Out with the US and in with Russia. If Russia was allowed to start shipping cheap energy into Europe again, the entire economies of countries would bounce back. It wouldn’t be great, because come on it is Europe, but it would improve.
So if I get the scoreboard straight, he has threatened the goat herders in Gaza, the Ortit audience in Greenland, our frozen friends to the North with annexation and tariffs, the Mexicans with tariffs, the Panamanians with a canal caper, he said he is sending Venezuela back their little people, he is tariffing Germany and France, and his new adviser said that we might liberate Britain from their government. I’m sure I am missing somebody.
I haven’t been this confused since watching Joan Wilder’s Grogan attempt to rob poor Angelina. Grogan we learned was the filthiest, dirtiest, dumbest excuse for a man west of the Missouri River. He told Angelina “You can die two ways Angel, quick like a tongue of a snake or slower than the molasses in January.” Well now Angelina accurately pointed out that it was October. Grogan roared back at her, “I’ll kill you god damned it if it was the 4th of July.” What ever does he mean? No one appreciates this kind of bullying and neither did our Angelina who put an end to ole’ Grogan who as she said, and I want to get this straight “killed my father, raped and murdered my sister, burned my ranch, shot my dog, and stole my Bible.”
Folks never mess with a woman named Angelina, keep an eye on your dog, clutch your Bibles, and don’t play with matches. I don’t know what the hell Trump is talking about, but he seems intent on bullying everyone friend and foe. I just hope Greenland isn’t our Angelina.
Sincerely Yours,
C Thomas Printer
Also born on this date… Elvis Presley.
Thank you for listening today and you can find all of our articles and more on our website cthomasprinter.com.