There are few things I despise more than nepotism. The best thing about America is that originally most wealth and standing had to be earned. As our country gets fatter, dumber, and more socialist we have lost the earned part and seem to have embraced the taking over the family business. There are many examples and on this day I want to celebrate not denigrate. I give you the holiday of Festivus and the airing of grievances by one Rand Paul, the Republican Senator from Kentucky and the son of the wonderful Ron Paul, who has served libertarian and Austrian economics well for decades while serving in Congress and running for president. Rand is an eye doctor and a senator and a real pain in the ass to Congress. I like him as much as any politician there is.
He has found $1 trillion dollars in the seat cushions of Congress.
Well, every year he has continued the tradition popularized by Frank Costanza on Seinfeld, a Festivus for the rest of us. Rand takes this opportunity to show America how stupidly the government is spending the American tax money and lists out many ridiculous items. He goes after fellow Congressmen for hypocrisy and in my opinion is doing what everyone else should be doing in trying to throw corrupt Congressmen out in the street. Rand seems to have gotten his feelings a bit hurt by the new DOGE committee of Musk and Ramaswamy as he posted this on Twitter, “I was a one-man @DOGE before @DOGE was a gleam in the eyes of amped-up tech executives, and new media barons got behind the idea. Don’t get me wrong, I’m VERY happy they’re here. I passed along 2,000 pages of waste to @ElonMusk and @VivekGRamaswamy in the interest of curbing government waste. Now, they don’t have to work too hard to find what I’ve already found.”
He is absolutely correct. What he has found needs to be cut and just needs a billionaire grifter who owns their own social media network to come in and make it look like their own idea. Musk is perfect for that. Too bad we were also quoting Paul last year, but like Rand said, we will take it however, whenever and by whomever we can get it. Ok I said that not him, but we all want this stupid spending to stop.
Here are some highlights of his list. Highlights of INSANE, useless spending:
$3M for “Girl-Centered Climate Action” in Brazil- all I can say is that’s hot.
$20M for a new Sesame Street show- I will try not to be Oscar the Grouch, I promise
$10K for the “Bearded Ladies Cabaret” for a climate change-focused ice skates show- there is a lot to unpack here. Bearded ladies cabaret, what in the hell is a bearded lady caberet. That’s like mayo and jello. Two good things but don’t put them together. The last part is just as confusing to me. Climate change focused ice skates show. Is it about,,, no…the ice skates use coal…no that’s not it…renewable ice, no that can’t be…I can’t figure out the last part and we want to introduce bearded lady caberet to this? I don’t know what the hell this is but we need to save 10k.
$365K for circuses in city parks- I have been saying bread and circuses will distract the people while Rome burns. They aren’t even hiding the circuses any longer they are trying to put them into parks.
$32.5K for “breakdancing” -This is no way to treat a new Olympic Sport. Do you want us to be like the Australian Olympian RayGun? We are risking embarrassment on the global stage, maybe we should leave this in.
$330K for censoring conservative media- Where is there conservative media? Do they mean Fox News or Truth Social? What about the C Thomas Printer Cooperative? Are we being oppressed? Is that what is keeping this good show down? I thought it was the writing…
$720K for conservation of ducks in Mexico- folks I know there is a shortage of ducks in Columbus Ohio so if we don’t outsource our ducks and import them like we did textiles in the 80s we are all going to have to live in a duckless society. I’d much rather my ducks grow up on a diet of tortillas than starchy white bread, so I am in favor of this. Import your ducks, webbed for your pleasure…
I wish he was done, but he was not. This from Grateful Calvin at Twitchy.com “
– The federal government spent $10 billion on maintaining, leasing, and furnishing almost entirely empty buildings. So I assume the government is getting into commercial real estate at the top eh?
– The Department of Energy (DOE) spent $15.5 billion to push Americans toward electric vehicles they don’t want. I’m going out on a limb and saying that Uncle Elon is going to leave this one in.
– The Department of Agriculture (USDA) is spending $20 million on the Fertilize Right Initiative to advance fertilizer use in Pakistan, Vietnam, Colombia, and Brazil. Listen two of those countries are the primary coffee producers in the world and right now coffee prices are outrageous. Can someone please show them how to use this shit to grow a little Robusta at a lower price point, Daddy needs his morning cup of Joe. If Pakistan is getting back into the poppy business and Colombia want to revisit their recent botanical glory days can’t we just make it efficient? Let these Congressional assholes have their shit.
– The U.S. Navy is set to waste almost $90 billion on ineffective Navy vessels. After allowing women and transAms into the forward fighting military I think the genie is out of the bottle on this one…
Some more of the smaller, silliest items include nearly $1 million from the State Department to produce films in Jordan, at least it’s not Lebron, $300,000 from the National Science Foundation for ‘affinity group’ safe spaces for bird watchers, birds of a feather may flock together but $300k sounds like a lot for a birdhouse, $7 million across the federal government for magic projects (yes, magic, as in ‘Abracadabra,’ your tax money is gone), listen every morning I expect to get an Amber alert saying missing young man from Delaware- goes by the first name of Scranton last seen in Airforce One so the only magic I have seen out of this government is how in the hell the government kept that old bastard alive and from getting lost in the south lawn. I’ve seen enough magic in the last four years I’d like my money back, $10 million from the Department of Defense for cat experiments, Ok, that this one is just going too far. I have to put up with dogs this and dogs that, but cats? What is the experiment for? Trying to give the cat a personality. Are we trying to save the homeless? They are called alley cats for a reason. They hang with a bad crowd and are more than a little bit suspect. another $250,000 from the State Department to fight ‘misinformation’ in Bosnia, Do you know how much Rosetta Stone Bosnia version costs? It ain’t no damned $250k, state dept. Stop spending my money…and the list goes on for far too long.”
Those retorts were all mine, but Rand did have some good one liner himself on the Twitter, “What are some of your Festivus Traditions? Tell us in the replies! I tried feats of strength on the Senate floor as a tradition, but since everyone else is over 80, there weren’t many takers.” He also welcomed new Education Secretary Linda McMahon in with this zinger, “Our new Secretary of Education made her money in professional wrestling as Chair of WWE. So Linda McMahon is PERFECT for politics. They are a bunch of overamped loudmouths following their script and pretending they are shocked by the outcome.”
I have always said I want my Attorney General to be an ephebophile and my education secretary to have run adult men wrestling in their underwear. Oh wait, those are honest to goodness things Donald Trump did last month. The good news is that Donald Trump wants the Panama Canal back. I think he is like the political version of Benjamin Button. He wants to get the canal back, bring back tariffs, and bring back American manufacturing again. If he starts speaking out of the back of a train’s caboose I guess it will be now different than talking out of his own, but I would be really worried if I was a woman and expecting to vote again in four years…Don is taking us back to the good old days…
As you can see Rand Paul does this every year and it just keeps happening through Trump and Biden and back to Trump again. We might have billionaires taking the reigns of the government efficiency bandwagon, but this prairie schooner will likely need to circle the wagons when the Ramaswamy Musk wears off. We can hope though, and hope is what they are selling. I’ll take a litre of cola and a side of government spending reduction for the new year. I sure hope Santa finds me because I have been a good boy this year. Remember when someone asks you what you want for Christmas this year to tell them, “term limits on Congressmen always make a nice gift.”
Sincerely Yours,
C Thomas Printer
Also born on this date… the proprietor of Rick’s place, Humphrey Bogart.
Thank you for listening today and you can find all of our articles and more on our website cthomasprinter.com.