Well hello there… pour yourself three fingers of the good stuff and sit on down. Welcome to The Gallery Golf Club and LIV golf event number two for the 2023 season. I’m your host G Spot Johnson, and I will give you opinion and judgment and a few facts along the way.
Early results of the G Spot Flirtation contest, which is my way of choosing which LIV golf team to root for this year:
Stingers out as I hate snakes.
Smash is out due to Kokrak.
4 Aces are out because they won last year and I don’t want to bandwagon and Patrick Reed is like castor oil. He’s very effective but you will always make a face after partaking.
The cleeks are now out because I like Richard Bland, the old fella that won his first tournament at 48 over there in Europe and has continued to play well for a few years. The rest of the team I frankly don’t have much of an opinion on. Martin Kaymer was deadly but that was a decade ago but he is on the DL with a wrist recovery, so they are out due to blandness not Blandy.
Range Goats are also out because of Bubba’s fascination with wearing pink and I’m not a 5 year old girl being presented to the world here.
Crushers have the early lean as they have a win by a very likable Chucky Three Sticks and their logo is gnarly.
My goal is to have it down to 3 going into Orlando and I will be decided on a team by then. They get my cheers for the season… and gambling losses I assume.
So here we are for the second event of the 2023 season and it is lovey Tucson, Arizona. We have the javelinas, roadrunners, and rattlers running around the desert course.
I really like the shotgun start- all 48 golfers start at the same time basically and that allows for the viewer to tune in and instantly see their team or favorite player teeing off. Very nice compared to waiting a couple hours before the leaders tee off in the traditional coverage. It does take a little getting used to, but I think I like it.
The liv line is pretty cool. It is a golfing start line that approximates how much break to play on a put and its pretty good.
Charles Howell is playing great golf and I hope he gets more credit for performing very well against very good fields.
The desert in Tucson is just gorgeous. Those cacti and skies are uplifting, I can almost hear the lonely trumpet in the background….
I think the hoodie thing is terrible. We aren’t teenagers doing flips on skateboards boys, class it up!
Marc Leishman taking practice swings with his belly out under his jacket inspires all of us to hit the range more often and maybe just maybe…
So good setups like Mayakoba last week and this Tucson course make it very interesting to watch golf. If you drive it long and poorly you are penalized. It is a true risk/reward. Tucson is at altitude so if you do want to hit it , it will go a fair way up the fairway.
Louis Oosthuizen is a great golfer. He is a farmer by day back in Florida, but he has a wonderful golf swing to emulate, a very nice balance, and a short game that is smooth. I think if you played his career over again I think he would win more than one major.
Sergio can’t putt, but everyone knows this. If he did he would have a bunch more titles, and maybe he wouldn’t be such a baby. His crybaby work is well documented so I won’t bore you with the details of such a boor. But he a fantastic ball striker so maybe he is just a tortured artist…
Brendan Steele looks like a professional golfer
David Puig hasn’t had anything stronger than carrot juice all week.
Those jumpin’ Chollas will reach out and grab you, I can attest. It is the most annoying invisible thorns to get embedded in your skin.
Mickelson’s calves don’t look symmetrical. I think the left one seems larger, and I don’t know what that even means…. Mickelson also looks like a guy that wears gloves when he drives his classic car to the store to get milk. Yes, I am a disciple of the Lebetard’s look-like game so sue me.
Cameron Tringale is cheesey, but I think he is doing it purposefully…
Matthew Wolf is really really really concerned with being happy. He is an unorthodox golfer with a crazy looking swing, but it is very good through the hitting zone and he hits it a long way. He’s a millennial favorite I am sure. Not my guy, but he is going to win a lot of money playing golf because he’s really good.
Dom Boulet got stuck with a cactus in Mayakoba and they have been busting his chops ever since.
If you have been a fan of LIV for years now, you will see that the Niblicks GC team has been replaced with Ripper GC while Punch GC has been renamed Rangegoats GC. Ripper sounds great coming from Cam and the Aussies so I am down with it, but Nibliks was a cool name. Punch GC was ridiculous, so I do like the Rangegoats upgrade less the red/white color mixture.
Highflyers are definitely on the G Spot final three because I am a Phil fan, and I like Piot the young kid that made a wise business decision in jumping to LIV while young. Smart kid. You want to know one of the reasons Tiger Woods was so good? He never had to worry about money since he signed endorsement deals right away. He didn’t have to win money to keep playing like so many golfers do. He could take weeks off to work on his game, he could change his swing, or he could always go for the shot because the money wasn’t ever a necessity. Piot has that opportunity to maximize his potential, whatever it might be. Like I said smart kid…
So the desert played cold and windy on Sunday and the course got pretty difficult. They put these pins in some tough spots and with the greens firm it took some really good second shots. The greens are very turtle shaped as well meaning that they tended to roll off the edges. Be good or no good. It was a fun watch.
Marc Leishman just asked for people to keep it down. What about golf but louder, please stay on brand would you Marc. Don’t be a Kokrak I’d like to root for the Rippers.
I think Abraham Ancer might be the coolest guy on the LIV tour. We need to see more of this guy’s personality, but he seems interesting as hell. What would you want to do besides play golf, race F1. You know that guy has torn in up in Monaco in a tuxedo.
Harold Varner III has had his score count every round during the season so far. What does that mean? Well in the team LIV format 3 of the 4 players scores count toward the team total. That means HV3 has been the only one to be top 3 on his team through 5 rounds. Very solid…
It got firm and windy like a links golf format.
Cameron Tringale’s caddy just called for the patrons to be quiet before a chip, and Cameron almost made it, but the caddy still vexes me. I’m incredibly vexed 😉 Gladiator anyone anyone?
I am watching this event on the LIV Golf app and there is no commercial breaks to speak of, it is an incredible watch.
Leaderboard shows Marc Leishman and his exposed belly backing up and Charles Howell III trying to go back to back as he is now in the lead. We are an hour in but Marc is losing his grasp on winning $4 million, but he isn’t wearing a hoodie so that’s a bonus.
Fehertwit is weird, he is trying too hard.
If you want to show the golf course that is fine, but slow down that drone, I’m getting airsick here. That dumb drone isn’t a character either. Stop with the Alf bit, that isn’t good.
Anirban Lahiri is going to be a real problem for these guys, he seems good. Plus he is quite funny when he hits a bad shot… the self muttering game is strong.
Liv Commissioner who might be the most interesting man in the world was on hand for the 80th birthday celebration for George Herbert Walker Bush, who went skydiving. A great man that George HW. Survived being shot down in WWII and having to parachute out of his plan and survive in the water for hours… A little tougher man than our recent presidents including his son… Speaking of real men, I should get me a little more whiskey be right back or as they say airbrb.
Leishman is blowing up – good god, it’s a train wreck in progress yet I can’t look away.
Phil Mickelson can still hit some irons. It sounds very crisp off the club face, like a potato chip sound that he obviously hasn’t eaten in 5 years.
Chucky Trey seems to be running away with this. He is in tight again and your current leader….
Dean Burmester, a Stinger, sounds like a TV attorney name form the 80s.
Kevin Na looks like he has had a salad for dinner for the last 6,123 meals….
Shorts is a good thing. I just noticed it again and I think it is fine. Those ankle showey jumpers got to go though…Again Kokrak. That guy….
So the three day format is a great thing for television as more people can sneak in a little viewing at work and miss less of the tourney than a Thursday opening start which no one watches in general. Even Thursday majors are tough to negotiate unless you live in your parents basement and deliver pizza or own a startup that is bailed out by the FDIC. Shout out to my man C Thomas Printer and Austerity Jones and their award winning show Bygone Relics!
When playing into the wind, take more club and hit it softer- David Feherty
Louis OoustHeizen’s driver swing is as smooth as a Rosie O’Donnell’s fork through a piece of cheesecake.
Brendan Steele’s ball flight is piercing, it doesn’t move very much. It also isn’t that high of a ball flight. I can see why he is so consistent.
Lot of shaft talk concerning Lefty’s selection of drivers this week, uncomfortably so.
Halfway through the final day and with 9 holes left we have a crowded leader board—Leishman is going the wrong way, Chucky Three Sticks was leading until he had to go back and hit another drive on the par 3 8th. Not often do you have to go back and hit another tee shot on a par 3, but he did and ended up making triple bogey on a short par 3. He bounced back with a birdie on the next. Bravo and he has one one shot lead on a very crowded leaderboard. There are 6 guys within 3 shots of the lead. These guys at the top had been scoring so well, but in the wind and if you don’t have a big wide open landing area, the result can be penal. Golf is supposed to be hard, and errors should be penalized.
So let’s talk a little about Cam Smith- he was arguably the best player in the world last year. His putting and short game are world class, but he really found his ball striking last year when he ran down Rory at the Open Championship and when he won at the Player’s Championship as well. He also won a LIV event after joining midway through the season. He seems to be missing a little bit of that ball striking this year. The short game still looks solid, but going to August National next week, it would seem that he hasn’t found his best form just yet. Speaking of The Masters DJ won in 2020, and my scouting report of him is kind of the opposite of Cam. DJ can’t make a putt this year, and he is burning edges. I don’t think his ball striking has been as good as he has ever been, but its his putting that needs improvement.
We broke into dog dad jokes and they were pretty terrible. Labra-cadabra a dor. Pretty ruff…
Louis had an 18 inch putt and he had to back off three times according to Dom Boulet, the classy and heroic commentator walking the course.
We will have the links to the LIV golf page for your favorite scores and team scores but Podium number 2 is the Fireballs GC, 4Aces GC, and Iron Heads GC.
Carlos Ortiz and Danny Lee have both decided to make a run, they are charging up the leaderboard while Leishman continues to fall. Sad to see from Leishman, who was putting together a nice week. Carlos is a member of Fireball GC and he has team in first place with 7 holes to play.
Mito Pereira, the Chilean best know for double bogeying the 18th at the 2022 PGA Championship, is playing some good golf and is within 4 shots of the lead.
Danny Lee and his long putter just bogeyed after having his par putter rim out.
Brandon Steele is quietly having a nice week and is lurking just two shots back of Chucky Three Sticks and Louis with 6 to play. While Carlos Ortiz is blistering hot and 6 under on the day and is one shot back. He might be the guy to beat if this continues.
Update- Carlos briefly ties for the lead at -10, but Louis makes a putt to push himself into solo first at -11.
Referring to Sergio Garcia being in the face of a bunker …“He’s like a vegetarian in a butcher shop, he’s got nothing.” Dom Boulet nice….
Carlos Ortiz followed up his gaining a brief share of the lead with a double bogey and is now 3 back. He had to chip out of the desert backwards and now sits 3 back. Louis just missed carrying a bunker on 13 and having a stone dead birdie chance, but alas he still gets up and down and leads by two over Chucky Three Sticks who is treading water.
Three to play- Louis has backed up to -10, Charles Howell II has backed up to -9 tied with Brendan Steele. It is anyone’s tournament. The team competition is a snoozer as the Fireballs GC has ran off to a 9 shot lead over the 4Aces. The Ironheads and Stinger are tied for 3rd place.
Charles Howell III took two shots to get out of the bunker at 16 and dropped another shot and is at -8. Big par putt for Brendan Steele on 16 to stay one back of Louis at -9. Danny Lee makes birdie from the collar on 18 to get to -8 with his last hole being number 1, which has played the easiest on the course today.
Matt Jones birdied the last to get to -7. That was a very under the radar performance. Sergio birdies 16 to get to 7 under but it is likely too late… AND Danny Lee comes up short on 1 with his eagle attempt, but a tap in birdie gets him in the clubhouse at -9 and Louis is having trouble on the tough 16. Louis just 3 putted 16 and -9 is your new lead. The shotgun start lends itself to a shotgun finish as action is happening all over the course seemingly at once. Very fun to watch.
Louis just bogeyed the par 5 and slipped back to -8. He fatted a wedge and then made a mess of it. He has a hole left. Charles Howell couldn’t make a long putt on his last hole and finished at -8. Carlos Ortiz finishes at -9 along with Brendan Steele and Danny Lee so it looks like a 3 man playoff with Louis one back with one to play.
Louis! Bounces back with a wonderful shot into 18 his finish hole. He has a short putt to get into the playoff. Louis drains it and is in the playoff! The 4 of them will play 18 over and over until there is a winner. Marc Leishman finishes at -5 after a disappointing 77 on the final day.
Extra time-
Hole #1- Kevin Na said playoff participant Danny Lee was happy to be out there as part of the Ironheads. Lots of happy talk. What is this obsession? All of these guys sports psychologists must be just tracking up billable hours. Why am I not giving you a playoff update? All 4 approaches stunk, that’s why. No one was within 30 feet I reckon. Carlos Ortiz hit his approach on a good line, but it went deep and he couldn’t get up and down so we are down to 3 and we will do it again…
Hole #2- Brendan Steele drove it right, and could only get his second all the way across the green. Louis is short right on his approach. Danny Lee knocked it to 5-6 feet so big advantage to Danny Lee. Louis and Brendan are in close for their par putts opening it up for Danny for the win….and he pushes it right. A little housekeeping on some par putts and it looks like we will try again and see if the third time is a charm.
Hole #3- Drives- Louis a bit left but ok, Danny down the middle, and Brendan to the right and in the bunker. Brendan got out of the bunker but has a fairly lengthy par putt, Louis ended up on the back and had a big swinger from left to right. Danny Lee decided to putt from well off the green through a bunch of fringe. He made it after bouncing through the fringe! Wow! Didn’t see that going in, and Kevin Na on the spot with the champagne bath! Danny said that he was only concerned about the team. “I felt like winning just wasn’t my thing” He was as surprised as I was. What a performance and what a finish.
The Fireballs won and 4Aces took second, while the Ironheads got 3rd in the team competition.
I’m whoopped.
Insightfully Yours,
G Spot Johnson